Woody, you sneaky bastard!

I hate you Woody. You are a loser.

You plaster yourself all over TV telling me about how all I have to do to get a free burger is become a fan of you on Facebook.

So what do I do? Sorry pathetic gullible patsy that I am, I do it! I become a fan. I give you my email address. I read all your silly updates about how you're close to a million sandwiches! Oh, and make sure you give me your email address so I can send you your free sandwich!

So I wait.

I planned a weekend in Bismarck, and according to your winsome sweet nothing promises, it should be in my mailbox by the time I go. Yay! Free meal for me!

It doesn't show up.

I check again the night I get into town.

Still not there.

I check again the night I'm going to leave.

Still not there.

I get home late Sunday night. Well, will you look what the cat dragged in??

There it is in my mailbox, snottily staring back at me, mocking me now that I am 200 miles away from the nearest TGIFridays.

Bastard!

I open it even though I know it's too late. And there I see it--the damn coupon is only good from the 11th through the 14th. I would NEVER have been able to use it!

Why promise me the world and then fail to mention it's only available from the hours of 2 and 4 a.m. on the 32nd of December??

So I am a teensy bit mellow dramatic.

But it could just as well have been those ridiculous stipulations. If you really wanted to give me a free sandwich, Woody, why such a narrow window? Could it be that you were secretly hoping I would NEVER BE ABLE TO GET MY FREE SANDWICH??

I think you know the answer.

I hope you can live with the shame your deceit has caused. I hope your so-called million sandwich giveaway ends in a food poisoning lawsuit that bankrupts you. I hope all the people who did come in for their free sandwich ordered only the sandwich and nothing else. I hope they failed to tip and in protests all your servers quit.

I hope all your Facebook fans block you!

Oooh look! Free appetizer coupons!

Damn you Woody! You got me again!

Are you LinkedIn?

I am!

Well, I have a profile now. But I'm still looking for contacts.

And frankly, I'm amazed at how few of my contacts have LinkedIn profiles. As someone who hammers into her students on a daily basis how important networking is to finding employment, I find it interesting that of all my colleagues in the Career Services sector, only three have profiles!

Maybe LinkedIn is too new and they just haven't discovered the importance of it yet, but that fact does not seem to be missed by other career professionals. In a recent article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, writer Matt Krumrie states that, "Using LinkedIn is a must for job seekers and professionals looking to connect with others."

I totally agree with this given that the statistics are that 80% of jobs are not advertised and found through networking.

To be fair, a person can network on Facebook or MySpace just as much as they could on LinkedIn, but networking on Facebook is more like meeting someone at a party whereas LinkedIn would be the equivalent of a professional networking event or visiting them at their business.

At LinkedIn, everyone is expecting professionalism. When a prospective employer looks at your LinkedIn profile, they'll hopefully get a good handle on your work experience and capabilities. If they are checking out your Facebook profile, they are more likely to find out about your weekend activities, family, and vacation photos.

That's not necessarily bad, and really everyone looking for a job should make sure their Facebook page is cleaned up. But LinkedIn is by far the more professional first impression you want to present.

So, to all of you who are not yet LinkedIn, Please! Please go create a profile. Upload your resume. Add a PowerPoint presentation you've done (God knows we've done enough for these classes!). Synch your email contacts. Find a professional picture of yourself and upload it. Write a killer summary of your experience and talents (If you can't, get someone to help you becuase this particular part is really important to getting noticed.).

And, by all means, add me as a contact in your network!!

Tweeting is for the birds....

It's official. I am a Tweeter.

Or is it Twitter-er?

Whatever, I'm on Twitter.

I fought it long enough. But when my alma mater and current employer invited me to follow them, I had to. It would be rude not to, right?

So anyway, I don't know what to do with this. Updates on current happenings at my school will be handy, but another batch of emails! I'm going into information overload. I've just gotten the hang of Facebook. And it's stealing a lot of my time, both professionally and personally.

I have to update my Facebook group for my professional organization. I have to manage the status updates from all my 'friends.' I still have my regular emails--three addresses and counting--and let's not forget the old fashioned phone and voicemail. I don't know if I can handle one more communication venue.

I do see some value in having updates on weather conditions, road conditions, sports scores for my favorite teams, maybe sale notices from a preferred retailer. But I get all that in email, so why do I need it again on Twitter? I don't have unlimited texting, so I'm not going to have these tweets sent to my cell phone. And if they are sent to my email, then that's simply a duplicate of the email notifications I already get.

I propose that all those marketers, public relations and communications specialists out there please consolidate. Please just give me one form of contact and I promise to pay attention. After all, isn't that what you want? My attention? Isn't that the new commodity?

And really, any other kind of personal updates, like I'm shopping till I drop, or FML, or I just picked my nose--I don't really care. I'm not going to subscribe to yet another form of narcissistic egocentric me-ism. I'm inundated enough with all my Facebook updates and Youtube videos. If I have to waste my time on any more useless information, my eyes will bug out of my head worse than SpongeBob. Wait, that already happens when I watch SpongeBob.

I guess what I've decided is that Twitter-ers are like the real birds--full of....

A Farm Girl's Best Friend

OK, so this is not new--it's been blogged about all over the place. And it has nothing to do with Web 2.0 or social media. But I just learned about Go-Girl and I'm sold!

The Go-Girl is a portable device that allows women to pee standing up.

I'm sure this is just going to fuel the whole penis-envy theory, but imagine the freedom!

No more hovering over disgusting public toilets.

And my daughter will be able to urinate in my parents' back yard without soaking the front of her pants.

(Back story)
I'm potty training my daughter. It's been a long hard road. She's 3 1/2. I've been trying to train her since she was 2. I was beginning to think I'd have to start buying Depends.

But we had a breakthrough in the form of candy kisses. Two candy kisses every time you pee. It was working great. She'd been on a candy-coated sugar high for a week.

Then we go to Grandma's house, and I look out the window, and my darling girl is standing in front of some Hostas with her pants unbuttoned thrusting her pelvis forward.

I squint to see what exactly she's doing.

I call my sister to the window--What is she doing??

Quick, hand me your camera.

Then, suddenly, she drops her pants and squats down on the ground.

I run out the patio door to see what she's doing. By the time I get there she has her pants back up and is back to standing in front of the plants.

What are you doing dear?

She asks, Is this a bush?

Yes.

Just let me pee a minute. I'm peeing on the bush.

OoooooK.

I see on the ground, there is a fresh steaming pile, which I immediately decide will be blamed on the dog.

I can't believe my daughter just used my parents' back yard as "the facilities."

But hey--she didn't go in her pants! YAY!

So back to the Go-Girl. One day, my lovely daughter will be out on the tractor with Daddy and this thing will come in really handy. After all, if Daddy pees off the side of the tractor, why shouldn't she have the same freedom?

"Bloggers--Give Our Bullets Back"--Traditional Media

In the September 14th issue of Newsweek, Daniel Lyons wrote a sweet little article entitled "Exterminate the Parasites." His was a response to the bold idea blogged by Mark Cuban, billionaire internet entrepreneur, that mainstream news media should stop any other sites from linking to them.

His contention was that all of these "aggregators" were just riding on the content for free and if the sources stopped their linking, the little ticks would die. People would be forced to go to the original source of the news.

Of course, all along the internet model has been free information for all. Lyons compared this model to fighting a war but supplying the enemy with the guns and bullets.

But I thought that's what we did here in America. Teach the little countries how to fight and give them ammo. Then act all miffed and shocked when they decide to try it out pointing at the US.

But really, isn't that what all media does? Just this morning on CNN, the anchor was interviewing a reporter from an independent newspaper. And windy radio personalities like Rush Limbaugh feed on what mainstream media supplies. He's currently bellering about Newsweek's cover story last week about babies and racism. So if Newsweek decides to block me from linking to the story from my blog, then are they going to tell him he can't talk about their stories either?

Mainstream, old school media is scrambling to figure out how to swim in the new media waters. They can't sell paper anymore because no one wants to bother with another thing to carry. And think of all the trips to the recycling bin they save. They probably live an extra 20 years just based on that time savings alone.

So what would bloggers blog about if we couldn't link to other people's writing?

Well, today I cleaned the toilet. OK, so only the inside of the bowl. The outside is still disgusting. But the baby started crying and that seemed like the perfect excuse to exit my less than pleasant chore. And since she doesn't use the toilet yet, what does she care if it's clean or not?

The reality (and this was duly noted by Lyons) is that no one will block linking because they are all afraid the competition won't block linking and all the traffic will go to and through their site meaning all the salivating advertising druids will run like lemurs for the competitions' site leaving those blocking the tick bloggers to waste away.

So not to worry. No one will have to endure any more toilet details, at least not any time soon.

Facebook Etiquette--How not to get virtually kicked underneath the table

This week in class we're discussing digital publishing. I would wager that most people posting on Facebook don't consider themselves publishers; but honestly, more people probably read the average Facebook post than the last paper my professor published. (No offense, Dr. VanHorn. I'm sure your paper was riveting.)

So, because of that and the fact that I have a feeling I committed a Facebook faux paux, I decided to do some research on what is and is not OK etiquette on Facebook.

I found lots of top five and top ten articles on dos and don'ts for Facebook. Some had to do with not breaking up on Facebook. (I hadn't even considered this possibility, but now that I know about it, it seems like the perfect option for the passive-aggressive-spineless type afraid of conflict. Only slightly better was my cousin's boyfriend texting her they were through.)

This great little video by the same site (I believe) gives some super tips:


Some tips were more business/work oriented, like don't post on your friend's wall that you want to meet for drinks at five unless you want her whole friend list joining you. This is probably better done in an private message. Unless you want to meet all your friend's friends in person. Maybe then you can add them to your own friend list and break the 500 mark.

A news article on thestarpress.com related the story of a woman who's husband was going to post to Facebook that they were on the way to find out their baby's gender. She didn't want him to do this because she didn't want her closest friends to find out on Facebook--it was too impersonal.

I had a similar, but scarier, experience when my friend from Wisconsin posted to my Facebook wall, "Congrats on the pregnancy!" I wasn't telling people at work yet, whom I had as friends on my Facebook. I did get her post deleted before anyone saw it (I THINK), but the experience made me realize that instant information can be too instant.

Facebook itself has a very good list of etiquette suggestions; however, it does seem to promote their own interest of you using Facebook more and also giving them more information to sell. My favorite piece of advice from this list was #15--" You obviously check Facebook every 5 minutes, so please respond to your messages in a timely manner. Chances are you're making the message-sender extremely insecure."

It's true--I sent a message to my friend asking if she got the package I sent. It's been five minutes and I'm feeling insecure already.

Oh yes, so what was my faux paux, you ask?

A 'friend' posted some pictures and status updates (which, in my defense, would be a no-no according to the etiquette I read about) and I shared them with someone else who decided to share them with another person who did not approve and shared them with this friend's parents.

Needless to say, I'm not her 'friend' anymore. Oh well, I didn't really need to see her latest half naked party pics anyway. But my husband will miss them.

Internet Addiction--Crack for the 21st Century

I've heard of internet addiction before. I might have even had a touch of it when I first got the internet in my home over ten years ago.

I felt the overwhelming need to check my email every 15 minutes and spent hours browsing websites for freebies (everyone had a freebie back then if you just looked hard enough).

Eventually I could see that I was wasting time and needed to limit myself. But for some people, either this realization never comes, or even if it does, they can't limit themselves. They need outside help.

That's where Hilarie Cash comes in. She's the therapist and executive director of the ReStart Center in Washington state that specializes in treating internet addiction. (The picture is a link to photos of the center from KansasCity.com which is the author of the picture.)


The Associated Press did an article on the center. The article noted the irony that this center to treat internet addiction is located not far from Redmond, WA, home of Microsoft.

Someone seeking treatment will pay $14,000 for 45 days of treatment which includes therapy sessions, doing chores, and going on outings.

This sort of makes me think I should become a psychotherapist and turn my grain farm into a treatment center of some type. $14,000 for a month and a half sounds pretty decent.

What could I treat? Let's see.....farmers who can't quit farming even when the money is gone. Or maybe deal-aholics who end up spending more time looking for deals and coupons and freebies than actually enjoying life. How about Knitters Anonymous for people who have developed hand deformities from holding knitting needles too much. The possibilities are endless.

I'm not saying I don't think this treatment could work, although the article pointed out that the jury is out on the effectiveness of it. I know when I force myself to stay off the computer for a full day and work around the house or outside, I feel like I've really accomplished a major feat. Imagine 45 days of that!

What I really like about the premise is getting someone to pay you to do chores around your compound in exchange for not letting them near technology. This could really solve the farm hand shortage we seem to be experiencing at the Erdman farm.

I wonder if they would like to open a satellite clinic in the Midwest?