Missed it by that much.

I don't understand. The world continues to turn. People go about their daily lives around me as though nothing has happened. Don't they know?

Does no one understand the pain I'm in?

Grades were posted today.

Suddenly, Maxwell Smart's mantra is droning through my head...."missed it by that much!"

I am 10 points, 10 POINTS, short of an A.

Not only that, this is only the second B I've earned in my entire college career. This is a total ego crusher.

The first B was doled out by the most boring, brain numbing teacher ever to try to teach Records Management. I hated the class so much that I didn't even care that I got a B. I was happy just to have the torture stop.

But this B, this B is from a teacher I actually enjoy in a class I actually liked. This is like having your mother tell you that your sister is prettier. And not even following up with, but don't worry, you have a nice personality.

My husband has no sympathy for me. None. He was happy to earn B's in school, which was decades ago, so therefore he cares not an iota about grades now. His reward for hard work comes in a paycheck.

I, on the other hand, earn a pittance and am still going to school so that maybe one day I might get paid a hair above a pittance. But until then, grades are the only reward I have for hard work. That A was my replacement for a healthy salary. Now that I have neither, I think I might have to start drinking. (OK, so drink more.)

Now I'm not some physics major that has a lot to be proud of in getting straight A's, but it's still a painful reminder that I'm not really that smart if I can't earn an A in Group Dynamics. Perhaps it's all this egocentricity that was the root of the problem to begin with. After all, Group Dynamics is all about learning to relate and work with other people!

The first thought that occurred to me when I saw the grade roster was maybe I can buy those points back. After all, teachers don't make that much money, and really, what could 10 points cost??

Unfortunately, my instructor has scruples. So I know she won't go for that.

In my defense (here comes the last ditch effort to salvage said ego and scrape together some sympathy), I did have a newborn to care for and was working full time when taking this class. And I did earn an A in the other class I was taking. So those three things should ease the sting, right? I'm not a total failure.

Nope. Doesn't help.

That B just keeps staring at me like grim death.