This week in class we're discussing digital publishing. I would wager that most people posting on Facebook don't consider themselves publishers; but honestly, more people probably read the average Facebook post than the last paper my professor published. (No offense, Dr. VanHorn. I'm sure your paper was riveting.)
So, because of that and the fact that I have a feeling I committed a Facebook faux paux, I decided to do some research on what is and is not OK etiquette on Facebook.
I found lots of top five and top ten articles on dos and don'ts for Facebook. Some had to do with not breaking up on Facebook. (I hadn't even considered this possibility, but now that I know about it, it seems like the perfect option for the passive-aggressive-spineless type afraid of conflict. Only slightly better was my cousin's boyfriend texting her they were through.)
This great little video by the same site (I believe) gives some super tips:
Some tips were more business/work oriented, like don't post on your friend's wall that you want to meet for drinks at five unless you want her whole friend list joining you. This is probably better done in an private message. Unless you want to meet all your friend's friends in person. Maybe then you can add them to your own friend list and break the 500 mark.
A news article on thestarpress.com related the story of a woman who's husband was going to post to Facebook that they were on the way to find out their baby's gender. She didn't want him to do this because she didn't want her closest friends to find out on Facebook--it was too impersonal.
I had a similar, but scarier, experience when my friend from Wisconsin posted to my Facebook wall, "Congrats on the pregnancy!" I wasn't telling people at work yet, whom I had as friends on my Facebook. I did get her post deleted before anyone saw it (I THINK), but the experience made me realize that instant information can be too instant.
Facebook itself has a very good list of etiquette suggestions; however, it does seem to promote their own interest of you using Facebook more and also giving them more information to sell. My favorite piece of advice from this list was #15--" You obviously check Facebook every 5 minutes, so please respond to your messages in a timely manner. Chances are you're making the message-sender extremely insecure."
It's true--I sent a message to my friend asking if she got the package I sent. It's been five minutes and I'm feeling insecure already.
Oh yes, so what was my faux paux, you ask?
A 'friend' posted some pictures and status updates (which, in my defense, would be a no-no according to the etiquette I read about) and I shared them with someone else who decided to share them with another person who did not approve and shared them with this friend's parents.
Needless to say, I'm not her 'friend' anymore. Oh well, I didn't really need to see her latest half naked party pics anyway. But my husband will miss them.
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Great post. I think we have all had some Facebook mishaps at times. Facebook etiquette is something that I learned just by having an account. First I've learned that private messages are much better than wall posts, where everyone can read them. I also learned that I should never let a friend take a picture of me unless I confirm it because it *will* end up on Facebook. I put a lot of pics on Facebook too, but I usually check to see if that pic might embarass someone first. I had a friend post a picture of my that I just hated. It was one of those caught-off-guard pictures that was totally unflattering. The only person in the picture was me, so I kindly asked her to delete it. She wouldn't! It served no purpose to her whatsoever. I just wanted that picture of me off of there. As far as I know the pic is still in one of her albums, I just untagged myself. It was the best I could do without causing a huge fight. Because this was one of my good friends, who I actually talked to *outside* of Facebook.
ReplyDeleteA couple years ago, I was a part of a study for interpersonal communication that looked at how people broke up with their significant other. As our society moves forward, I wouldn't be surprised if using Facebook, instant messaging, or text messaging as a vehicle for break-ups becomes the norm.
ReplyDeleteLike Heidi said, there is a big difference between wall posts and private messages. Overall, I just try to use the Golden Rule when doing anything on Facebook. And now with many older adults getting Facebook accounts, I think the self-censorship will increase.
Aimee -
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I thought the video you posted for the rules of facebook relationships was hilarious, but pretty true for most people. Those things are frowned upon quite often. I think it is interesting how we treat Facebook and etiquette as if it were in real life, person to person. In a way, it is, but it feels as though these ways of communication have replaced phone calls and face-to-face meetings. Too much information is placed on facebook when others don't need or want to read about it. I'm sure that many misunderstandings take place on Facebook.